Melissa Todd also opened up about which clients tend to be more challenging

One of the more difficult parts of working as a sex worker, aside from the obvious challenges, often comes down to managing clients’ emotions and keeping clear boundaries in the relationship. This part of the job can take effort and patience. Because of that, it might seem like dealing with married clients would make things even more complicated.

However, one worker in the adult industry, who works as a dominatrix, has shared that her experience is quite different. She explained that she actually prefers when her clients are married.

What may seem even more unexpected is that, in some cases, their wives are aware of the situation and are completely fine with it.

BDSM practitioner and writer Melissa Todd, who according to her website has spent around 30 years working in the adult industry, shared her perspective in an article for Metro. She explained that men who are married tend to be less likely to form emotional attachments that can complicate things.

“I can be confident he will head on his merry way home after our encounter, not giving me another thought,” she said.

She went on to explain that, unlike some single clients who may feel lonely, married men are less likely to send constant messages or bring up personal topics such as their work life or family details like their grandchildren.

Melissa says married male clients tend not to form attachments

The dominatrix explained that married men already have someone in their lives for emotional support, describing it as ‘another woman for that, a wife more eminently qualified’.

Todd also pointed out that these clients tend to avoid asking about her personal life. This is often because they prefer to keep their own situation private and do not want to share too much.

She said: “You don’t want a client who leaves you weighed down with wretched loneliness, nothing waiting for him at home but an empty sofa and a microwave meal.”

This dynamic helps keep the interaction focused and avoids emotional complications that can arise in other situations.

While it may seem like male clients would be the ones who create emotional challenges, Todd explained that her experience has shown something different. She said that female clients can sometimes be the most difficult to manage, especially when emotional boundaries become blurred.

“It’s a cliché, but like many clichés, born of truth — namely, that women struggle to separate sex and emotion,” the dominatrix revealed.

“Having encountered me and enjoyed the fulfilment of their wildest fantasies, these women often start to assume we must be soulmates, rather than just realising I’m pretty good at my job.”

She described how these situations can lead to repeated messages and strong emotional expectations after just one session.

Melissa has thirty years of experience in the adult industry

Because of this, she explained that many dominatrices choose not to work with female clients at all. It is a decision based on maintaining clear boundaries and avoiding emotional strain.

Todd said she prefers working with married men when practicing her domme skills. Although some of these clients visit her in secret, she explained that many of their wives are aware of the arrangement.

“Sometimes they encourage it, or prefer not to ask too many questions; occasionally they take an active interest,” she revealed.

This shows that, in some relationships, there is a level of understanding or agreement about these situations.

Even though she is comfortable working with married clients, Todd said she does not enjoy situations where the client’s wife wants to attend the session as well. These sessions often involve activities like whipping and caning, and the presence of a third person can change the dynamic.

She explained that ‘it rather ruins the dynamic having a third wheel present,’ and added that it does happen occasionally. In most cases, she said the wives are simply curious and want to see what takes place during the session.

“It can feel faintly surreal — like trying to work while being observed, with the odd bit of commentary thrown in,” she added.

She described these moments as slightly awkward, as the focus shifts away from the intended interaction.

Being a dominatrix takes a lot of hard work and dedication to inflicting just the right amount of pain

The dominatrix explained that this setup is not ideal for her. It can turn what is meant to be a one-on-one experience into something more like a group situation, where extra comments and opinions get involved.

She wrote: “I like to be Queen of my domain, not have another woman insisting he deserves it for his behaviour last week, or worse, trying to tell me about her holiday plans or new hat.”

For her, maintaining control of the space and the interaction is important, and additional people can disrupt that balance.