Even when everything else feels right in a relationship, money can quietly become the thing that comes in between a couple…

You don’t have to be a financial expert to make things work—but when unhealthy habits pile up, they can start affecting trust, stability, and long-term plans.

The tricky part? These issues often don’t show up loudly at first. They build over time, hidden in everyday behavior.

Psychotherapist Tina B. Tessina, PhD—also known as “Dr. Romance” and author of How to Be Happy Partners: Working It Out Together—says couples can fall into something called “financial infidelity.” This happens when “they haven’t established good communication, they’re trying to avoid conflict, or they’re out of control and don’t want to admit it,” she tells Bustle.

And while many people don’t take it as seriously, the impact can be just as damaging. “It can be every bit as harmful as sexual infidelity,” she says, “even if most people don’t take it as seriously.”

Sometimes, the warning signs are subtle. Other times, they’re impossible to ignore.

It might start with secrecy—like noticing receipts your partner tries to brush off or getting defensive when you ask simple questions. Spending money isn’t the real issue; it’s the lack of honesty, especially if it involves shared finances. Hiding things like that can slowly chip away at trust.

Debt is another sensitive area. Having loans isn’t unusual, but lying about them or minimizing how serious they are is where the problem begins. When big life decisions come into play, that hidden truth doesn’t stay hidden for long—and it can create tension that’s hard to undo.

For some, the issue runs deeper, like a dependency on credit cards. What might look like harmless shopping can spiral into something that takes priority over real responsibilities. In extreme cases, it can even put pressure on the relationship to the point where ultimatums enter the picture.

Then there are those who simply can’t stick to a plan. One partner may be disciplined, while the other struggles to follow even a basic budget. It’s not always intentional, but without alignment, it becomes difficult to build anything stable together.

As financial expert Brianna McGurran explains, “supporting each other while building a budget could help you reach your financial goals faster, and can even bring you closer together.” She points to the 50/30/20 method, noting, “It suggests spending no more than 50 percent of your after-tax income on necessities, no more than 30 percent on wants, and at least 20 percent on savings and debt repayment.”

Another red flag shows up in everyday responsibility—like consistently paying bills late. Everyone slips up once in a while, but when it becomes a pattern, especially without concern, it signals a lack of accountability that can affect both partners.

Savings—or the lack of them—can also reveal a lot. If future planning feels like a foreign concept to your partner, it may eventually become your burden too. Building even small habits around saving can make a difference, but only if both people are willing to try.

Credit history is another piece of the puzzle. On its own, bad credit isn’t always a dealbreaker. But combined with other issues, it can hold you back from shared goals like renting a place or buying a home. As McGurran puts it, “[It] could affect you if one day you want to rent a place or buy a house together and your partner’s poor credit holds you back.”

Borrowing money is normal in tough moments—but when it becomes a routine, it raises questions. According to relationship psychologist Zoe Coetzee, “Borrowing small sums of money often and not paying it back can illustrate a certain irresponsibility and dependence on others when it comes to finances, which can develop into a larger issues and serious debt.” She adds, “Financial boundaries should be respected in relationships, and continually overstepping this line is the sign of an issue.”

On the other end of the spectrum is control. A partner who dictates how you spend, limits your access to money, or makes financial decisions without you isn’t being responsible—they’re crossing into dangerous territory. “Your partner should never use money as a means of power,” Coetzee says. “Controlling your access to finances or information about your joint finances is a danger sign in a relationship.” This can include restricting access to accounts, giving an “allowance,” or even discouraging you from working.

Then there’s silence—the partner who shuts down every time money comes up. Avoiding the conversation doesn’t make the problem disappear; it usually makes it worse. Tessina emphasizes the importance of keeping that dialogue open: “No matter how well or poorly your finances are going at any given time, keep your financial discussions going.” She adds, “The more frequently you discuss your finances, the less difficult the discussions will be, and the more likely that you’ll make good financial choices.”

And sometimes, despite trying to meet halfway, nothing aligns. Different values around spending and saving can create constant friction. Coetzee warns, “if a couple has different spending habits and values, this can be a relationship dealbreaker.” She explains, “Should a couple have differing financial approaches and values, it can be difficult to reconcile in their joint decisions of lifestyle and everyday expenses, especially if living together.”

The thing is, earning money it’s all about vision and self-motivation on how far you can reach. Ignoring these warning signs doesn’t make them go away. But facing them early can be the difference between growing together or slowly drifting apart.